How to Be More Active in Bed as a Woman: 5 Things Things Every Man Wants in Bed

It also goes without saying, but we’ll say it over and over again, that while it’s totally normal to be curious about what guys want in bed, it’s equally important to be curious about what works for you, and to be able to communicate that with your partner. The best way to figure out what that is, exactly, is by experimenting with different types of touch, sex toys, erotica, and more. Advocating for yourself in the bedroom is the best way to make sure your desires are met, too. Remember: Your pleasure matters just as much as your partner’s does, and your needs are just as important.

Open Communication

Don’t be afraid to show them (literally, with your hands) how you like it. Move his hands, position your body, and use verbal and nonverbal communication to ensure a good time for you both

This goes both ways, because ideally, he'd express his desires to you, too. But a partner who can explain exactly how they want to be touched is endlessly sexy and could create an open lane of communication that goes both ways.

Initiation

One of the most common complaints I hear from men in hetero relationships feel like they often have to initiate sex with their female partners. Men like to be seduced, they like to feel desired and attractive. Initiating sex sends the message to your man that you want him, which gives him a major confidence boost.

A pointer: Ask him how he’d like you to initiate. And if you’re initiating sex in your own way by rubbing his back or something, clue him in to what you’re doing so he knows that you are  to get it on.

Active Participation

Actively participating just means meeting his thrusts with your own thrusts, grinding your hips, and flexing your PC muscles (the muscles that stretch from your pubic bone to the tail bone). These are all things you can do from whatever position you’re currently in.

You can also use your hands to squeeze their arms and pull their body closer to yours, or use your lips to explore more of his body. All these moves will let them know you’re loving the action.

Variety

If you don’t usually experiment outside of the missionary position (which, no shade, missionary is a classic for a reason), have a conversation about whether or not he is craving anything different, and don’t be afraid to express it if you are. After all, part of the reason something like hotel sex is so damn appealing is because humans crave novelty. Don’t feel like you have to go outside your comfort zone just to please your partner, but if the idea occurs to you that it might be hot to have him spin you around and take you from behind against your kitchen counter...let him know. 

Any change in speed, pressure, or position can make the act more interesting and pleasurable. Variety keeps him in a heightened state of arousal because he never knows what to expect.

Direction

No one’s ever wished for less direction in bed. Save the ambiguity for pre-hookup sexting, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you really want.

If you’re worried about offending him, focus on the positives to tell him what you are and aren’t into. Saying “Ehh, that’s not doing anything for me,” but “I really liked it when you were doing this before,” can also help send a message. Positive reinforcement always works wonders.

Also, For men, what they see is almost as good as what they get, so make sure to give them an eyeful if you're feeling it too.

And  in guide number 1 from the Reads For WOMEN guides, I talk about  a Step by Step Guide to Actively Participate During Sex